Let’s play a game. We’ll call it Finish the Vulgar Draft Day Phrase. (Kids, ask your parents for help.)

1. “You son of a—“

2. “You piece of—“

3. “You mother—“

4. “How about you turn that draft board sideways and stick it straight up your—“

… Did you guess them all right? I bet you did. You potty-mouth.

I heard each of those phrases, and so many more R-rated insults that aren’t fit to print, countless times during my home league’s draft this weekend. Heck, I might’ve even said one a time or two. Or 12. Just not to the commissioner.

In all my years of playing fantasy football, nothing has captured the spirit of this wonderfully dumb game quite like the sounds of grown adults—with real jobs and bills and sometimes even children who depend on them—losing their freaking minds because someone else drafted the player they wanted to draft. Every snipe followed by an automatic, involuntary, dirty word salad straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie. And then a lot of laughs.

I’ve had some of the biggest belly laughs of my life while sitting at a table covered in laptops and appetizers, listening to the chaos that comes from a player getting snatched away a few picks sooner than some people hoped. Someone was so sure their draft darling was going to fall to them. They’d studied the ADP! They’d compared it to their preferred rankings! They’d done dozens of mock drafts, for cryin’ out loud! And yet, it didn’t work out the way they planned. 

This year, a few player selections caused major crash-outs in my home league:

• Ladd McConkey at 2.09. Our league is pretty diverse when it comes to NFL fandom. We have some Packers fans, a Bears fan, a 49ers fan, and even a diehard Chargers fan—They do exist! Well, the Chargers fan got proverbially punched in the mouth by the Bears fan with this pick. And it clearly left a mark, because the San Diego native spent the rest of the draft reaching on every single Chargers player—past or present—they could get their hands on. (Too bad none of them will come anywhere close to Ladd’s production.)

• TreVeyon Henderson at 5.07. The rookie running back became one of the fastest risers in all of fantasy football thanks to some dynamite preseason performances, but perhaps the biggest rise was the one he got from everyone in the back half of the fifth round when his name came off the board. Frankly, this pick looks more like a steal with each passing hour and could very well be THE pick of the draft.

• RJ Harvey at 5.11. I felt proud to have the insults and groans sent my way this time after scooping up the new “joker” in Sean Payton’s offense. Kendall and Adam recently debated Henderson vs Harvey on their SiriusXM show, but I’m just glad I came away with one of them.

• Rashee Rice at 6.10 and Ricky Pearsall at 6.11. This was the ultra rare double snipe, aka “the chain reaction snipe.” The guy who drafted Pearsall got sniped on Rice, and his resulting tailspin sent him into the arms of one my absolute favorite players this year, who I was positive I would get three picks later. (Don’t worry, I’m already workshopping a trade offer in which I’ll drastically overpay to get Slick Rick on my team.)

• Quinshon Judkins at 9.03 and Jerome Ford at 10.08. Apparently the entire league wanted a taste of this very dubious and potentially gross backfield except for me. I’m absolutely terrified to draft any Cleveland running back, especially Judkins, so they can have ‘em!

• Keon Coleman at 9.10. Clearly my leaguemates listen to Ian Hartitz, and ya know what? Good for them! But I wish they wouldn’t have just this once, because I wanted “the second-year contested-catch artist expected to see the most fantasy-friendly end-zone and downfield opportunities” at the next pick. Oh well. C’est la vie, mother–

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Fantasy

Don’t Sleep On Keon Coleman And Rashid Shaheed

It’s easy to let up a little once the picks turn toward the triple digits. You’ve got your starting lineup pretty set. It might be time to take “another” backup RB. This is actually a great point in the draft to take a look at wide receivers that your leaguemates might be ignoring.

Ian, Dwain, Kendall, and Freedman continued their series of identifying sleepers at different positions. After hitting quarterbacks and running backs in the past couple days, it’s time to go out wide with the WRs who could pop late in drafts. And we know cooterdoodle will approve of at least one of them. ⤵️

THIS COLT CAN NO LONGER BE KEPT A SECRET

Fantasy

Matthew Freedman’s Latest Mock Draft

The 1.08 isn’t a sexy pick, sure. But you can certainly end up with a sexy-looking roster when drafting from the 1.08 … if you do it right.

Four WRs and eight RBs later—yes, you read that correctly—and it’s looking like Freedman did, indeed, do it right.

With a starting WR trio of Malik Nabers, Brian Thomas Jr., and Tyreek Hill, you’d think he all but punted the RB position.

Not so fast.

He rounded out his RBs with elite game-breaking upside and two of the buzziest running backs in the entire league right now.

Dive into Freedman’s latest mock draft approach and how you can apply it to your upcoming drafts. ⤵️

IS ALVIN KAMARA A STEAL AT COST?

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Fantasy

My Guys: Step Right Up Emeka Egbuka

It’s Kendall Valenzuela’s turn to uncover her “My Guys,” as we’re in the thick of one of the busiest draft weekends of the year. It might be a certain point in your draft when you’re teetering between two players, when you remember about this article and it could point you toward a certain player. You can thank her in the new year after you’ve won your title.

Kendall identifies three players that she can’t stop drafting. One is a QB ready to make a sophomore leap, a rookie WR whose playing time has cleared up, and an RB who could be the hammer in a timeshare on a new team. Keep these players in mind in the latter stages of your drafts. ⬇️

THIS QB WILL BE WORTH THE HYPE